Love and Religion Ruined My Life. =]

   I sometimes question God's plan for me. I hope its a good one. But I want to know one day:

1. Why did He put me in a home with people who have the exact opposite beliefs than I?
2. Why does my mom keep falling for these guys?
3. Why did He make me believe these things I do?
4. Why am I only attracted to women? Did He mean for that to happen, or is it my fault?
5. Why am I not proud for who I am?
6. Why are my goals so high? Almost out of reach?

   I guess this is the time to say that I am Christian. Methodist to be exact. I believe in God. My believeing in him keeps me going. Faith is keeping me alive in my opinion. There was a time I had none. Almost like an athiest. Not there's anything wrong with that, of course. It's just not me.
   I remember early into my Freshman year in High School (... last year) I met this girl. Her name was Mysti. Natural beauty, lovely soul, and wonderfully psychotic. I was in love. I told her I was gay. I thought, as a my best friend, she deserved to know. Plus, I was getting sick of her trying to hook me up with guys. I never told her that I loved her, though. But, it's ok, because she told me she loved me. She had a boyfriend though, so it was useless.
   I was dumb enough to wait for her though. Her relationship took it regualr high school course of 1 month. They broke up and she was like, "You should go to church with me. Who knows you may be able to get baptized soon." I honestly don't know if I should be baptized. I worship God, but I myself find it a bit disgraceful to be gay. Yes. I am ashamed of myself. I shouldn't be though. I should be happy I have the ability to love someone That's more than some people. To be baptized though, is that a good idea? I'm still stuck on that.
   I said, "Oh.. ok. That'd be cool. Yeah, I'll totally go to your church." My love, the one who told me to wait for her, killed my spirit. She told me, "Great! But, if you are going to be baptized, you're gonna have to change... you know..."
   I knew what the meant. But I asked her anyways. "Change what?"
   Straight up! This is what she told me! "You can't be gay AND christian. It's wrong."
   I've never wanted to cry over a person who shoots me down, but a little tear ran down my cheek. I don't think it was the person, but the words. I played it in my head over and over again. "It's wrong. It's wrong." I had to stop and try to think about something else. I was going to cry.
   After that day, I stood my distance from her. We talked of course, but we were never as close I we were. I think she knew she made a mistake by saying that, but she always stood by what she says. She wasn't going to take it back, nor was going to make her. Everyone has an opinion. I can't change her mind. I wouldn't want someone pestering me to change my mind about something.
   No more than a month after that, I moved to Tennessee. When I moved back down here in Florida, she was in Juvie for beating up her grandma. Wonderfully Psycho.  =D

Hello My Piggeis!

  My name is Dax, I will be telling you guys my (un)amazing stories as I move up from the world. =| W00t?
  I'm going into 10th grade this year in Florida. It's not even Jacksonville or Tampa or anything. I live in a small town OUTSIDE OF GAINESVILLE. As if Gainesville wasn't small and boring enough... It's terrible  I'm getting out of here ASAP.
  Don't get me wrong, I would stay here if I had a reason. Like.... if I grew up in a productive household and wanted to stay there while I'm in college. You, know like most people around here. Unfortunatly, I don't want to stay around here longer than I need to.
  I love my family, but it's stressful. For one, my mom can't get it right with guys. She finds the crazy ones on pills. Usually drinkers too. She found one good guy, but wasn't happy with him. Maybe because he didn't have issues, I don't know. I do know I was the happiest person in the world over there though.
  My mom left that wonderful man to be back with my dad after they divorced and whatever. They have been on an on and off relationship for like 20 years, and got married after he figured she was pregnant with me.
  The reason they got a divorce was because of his drinking problems. You would think, after the first 20 YEARS, she'd learn. But no. She left him again a few months after that. When he lost his 3rd financially secure job due to... Oh my Gosh! ALCOHOL.
  Now, she's with a guy she hasn't seen since high school. Amazing what Facebook can do right? So, within a month, they met each other again, she broke him out of a hospital, me and my sister him and met his kid, and we all moved into a 3 bedroom apartment. 0_____o  WTF?
  I DO NOT LIKE THE GUY. I didn't like him when I met him, and 3 months later living in the same home, I STILL don't like him. And for him to call me his daughter after only 3 months, is just insulting. Whatever floats his boat, right? I don't care what the Hell he does, just as long as it doesn't effect me.
   My real dad (and my only dad) lives in Wildwood. I saw for the first time in SIX MONTHS yesterday at my uncle's (his brother's) wedding. I was always the one who stood up for him. I was a daddy's girl. But, after 15 years of disappointment and lies, I was done. I wouldn't talk to him.
   IT WAS OVER SOMETHING RIDICULOUS TOO! You see, I'm a huge Jackass and wrestling fan. In October, we were suppose to see the Jackass movie together (which is surprisingly not awkward for our family to watch stuff like this with our parents). My first 3D movie! A moment that will not soon be forgotten! Well, he took out $60 for the both of us the day before. He called the next day when I was getting all dolled up for the movie theaters. STRIKE THAT, he didn't have the balls to call me. He called my mom to break the news to me. She put the phone on speaker though. He said, and I quote, "I dropped my wallet at the gas station parking lot. Someone took the money out of it. They left the wallet though. The money's just gone. I swear, I'm telling the truth!!" I said it was ok. But, some strange emotions got a hold of me and I started crying on my way to my room. I got to the door and my grandma hugged me and almost cried and told me she was sorry.
   The thing is, I never cry when he lets me down. It's not like it's anything new, you know? I felt stupid. I was crying because I couldn't go to the movies. My grandpa was then like, "I'll take her." And I was like, "*sniffle sniffle* 0__o Ummm.... it's ok. I don't have to go." I totally didn't want my grandpa to go. My mom and dad are WAY different than theirs'. My mom ws laughing her ass off and was like, "Daddy, all it is is men showing their penises. You don't want to..." My grandpa stopped her and was like, "Well, why don't I give you the money and you take her?" I told him again that I didn't have to go. He said, "I'm sick of this shit. He has two daughters. He won't pay child support, won't do anything. Stupid son of a bitch." and handed my mom the money.
   I went though. And, as usual, forgave him.
   One month later, I finally got my birthday gift (my birthday is in September, but it's usual to get big gifts like this late), I would be going to biggest event of the year for FCW. That day I met Beth Pheonix and the asshole responsible for my decsion to be straight edge (its like Voldemort, I won't say his name but you know who it is). And I met like, 20 other wrestlers. IT WAS AWSOME! The one thing that ruined it all was him being drunk by the time we got home. I never did forgive him for that. I never cared about what I got to do or where I went. I wanted to spend time with him. But when he starts drinking, I go straight to bed. Him being drunk ruined my whole night. It always does. It may sound dumb to the unexperienced, but you know....
   I can only live. But you know, "To live does not mean you're alive."