Love and Religion Ruined My Life. =]

   I sometimes question God's plan for me. I hope its a good one. But I want to know one day:

1. Why did He put me in a home with people who have the exact opposite beliefs than I?
2. Why does my mom keep falling for these guys?
3. Why did He make me believe these things I do?
4. Why am I only attracted to women? Did He mean for that to happen, or is it my fault?
5. Why am I not proud for who I am?
6. Why are my goals so high? Almost out of reach?

   I guess this is the time to say that I am Christian. Methodist to be exact. I believe in God. My believeing in him keeps me going. Faith is keeping me alive in my opinion. There was a time I had none. Almost like an athiest. Not there's anything wrong with that, of course. It's just not me.
   I remember early into my Freshman year in High School (... last year) I met this girl. Her name was Mysti. Natural beauty, lovely soul, and wonderfully psychotic. I was in love. I told her I was gay. I thought, as a my best friend, she deserved to know. Plus, I was getting sick of her trying to hook me up with guys. I never told her that I loved her, though. But, it's ok, because she told me she loved me. She had a boyfriend though, so it was useless.
   I was dumb enough to wait for her though. Her relationship took it regualr high school course of 1 month. They broke up and she was like, "You should go to church with me. Who knows you may be able to get baptized soon." I honestly don't know if I should be baptized. I worship God, but I myself find it a bit disgraceful to be gay. Yes. I am ashamed of myself. I shouldn't be though. I should be happy I have the ability to love someone That's more than some people. To be baptized though, is that a good idea? I'm still stuck on that.
   I said, "Oh.. ok. That'd be cool. Yeah, I'll totally go to your church." My love, the one who told me to wait for her, killed my spirit. She told me, "Great! But, if you are going to be baptized, you're gonna have to change... you know..."
   I knew what the meant. But I asked her anyways. "Change what?"
   Straight up! This is what she told me! "You can't be gay AND christian. It's wrong."
   I've never wanted to cry over a person who shoots me down, but a little tear ran down my cheek. I don't think it was the person, but the words. I played it in my head over and over again. "It's wrong. It's wrong." I had to stop and try to think about something else. I was going to cry.
   After that day, I stood my distance from her. We talked of course, but we were never as close I we were. I think she knew she made a mistake by saying that, but she always stood by what she says. She wasn't going to take it back, nor was going to make her. Everyone has an opinion. I can't change her mind. I wouldn't want someone pestering me to change my mind about something.
   No more than a month after that, I moved to Tennessee. When I moved back down here in Florida, she was in Juvie for beating up her grandma. Wonderfully Psycho.  =D